Olivia West | Three Months

It's true when people say that they love each stage of their child's life more than the previous stage. The last few weeks leading up until month three have been a game changer. Is it too soon to say that I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of this whole life with a newborn thing?

| STATS |

Baby girl is just packing on the weight like a champ. Her rolls are the real deal and we couldn't be prouder. As you know from our first few weeks, we struggled with her gaining enough weight, so to visibly see her grow and change each day is everything. The three month mark is in bettween her two month and 4 month checkup, but according to our bathroom scale (so official) she currently weighs around 15lbs and is 23in long. 

| EATING |

It seems like her cluster feeding has curbed a bit, and she is now eating about every 2 hours which is really great with her current napping schedule (more on that below). I have started eating dairy again and it doesn't seem to be upsetting her tummy which I'm pretty excited about because I was missing my milk and cheese and ice cream. Now that she is becoming more social, eating is a little bit more challenging as she rather look around the room or smile at me rather than eat. Don't get me wrong, it's really sweet unless it's at 3:00am. 

| SLEEPING |

You guys. I never thought I would utter these words. Olivia is sleeping in her crib. Like actually sleeping, By herself. FOR HOURS. I know. I have so much to say on this subject that I'm going to write an entire post dedicated to how we sleep trained her. But holy moly these sleep deprived parents could not be happier and prouder of our little girl. Within two days she was sleeping for 8 hours straight! And now she has even gone up to 10 hours a few nights. We've also developed a pretty solid bedtime routine (more on that later). Now that we have the night time sleeping under control we have been working on her naps during the day which are about 50% in the crib and 50% in my arms, but hey we're getting somewhere. Plus I love her cuddles. Her sleep schedule now has made her such a happy baby. It makes me wish we would have started sleep training her earlier, but we're still just trying to figure things out. 

| DOING |

So within a month Olivia has gone from her little coos and baby gurgles to full on conversations. She just goes on and on about her day and her baby dreams, I can barely keep up! She is also almost holding her head up completely now, it's just a little wobbly (usually when she's tired). She loves to "walk around and look at stuff" (that's what we call it. there's even a song.) She loves her best friend the ceiling vent. When she isn't eating or napping she loves when we read books, singing songs, and listening to The Beatles. A girl after my own heart. Because she is getting some solid sleep now, she is a lot easier to take places without a complete meltdown. So on the weekends we have made it a ritual to go for long walks around the neighborhood, visit the farmer's market, grab some gelato, and if we're really feeling frisky we'll venture to Target. We try to keep our little adventures around an hour as not to wear her out or interfere with her napping schedule. This past weekend had our first grocery store adventure! We were sure to go at 8:00am on Sunday when the place is empty, which was amazing. She loved looking at the lights and colorful items. She is a born shopper like her mama. 

| MILESTONES |

As I mentioned earlier, she is finally packing on the weight. She has officially grown out of her 0-3m clothing and is now in 3-6m. When people say not to invest in baby clothes, I get it now. They seriously grow SO fast. Luckily for us though her sizing is right on target with her age so she's been a lot easier to shop and plan for. She has also moved up to size 2 diapers! Which means we have about 15 boxes of size 1 diapers we'll be exchanging soon. Whoops. I definitely think her sleeping in her crib and sleeping through the night is a HUGE milestone. Derek and I both feel like we're finally hitting our parenting stride, rather than just being sleep deprived zombies all the time. I mean we didn't sleep in the same bed for 10 weeks, we were like ships passing in the night. She is also now grabbing things on purpose and bringing them to her mouth, when before it was more of a grabbing and not knowing how to let go sort of thing. We also started this fun game where she "stands" on our laps and we bounce her up and down. She definitely had noodle negs at first but now she plants her feed and keeps her knees locked and just laughs and laughs when she "jumps".

| FAVORITE MOMENTS |

I just love how chatty she is now. We will talk and talk about all kinds of things. She is a great conversationalist. We took her to two events this month and she met lots of new friends. I've realized that having a baby is like having a puppy in public. All kinds of strangers will come up to you and you can hear girls audibly gasp to their boyfriends/husbands. Haha sorry buddy! Another favorite moment is now that she is getting plenty of sleep, she no longer wakes up crying we just hear her talking and squealing to herself every morning, and when you walk in she just lights up with the biggest smile! We love our girl. 

Olivia West | Two Months

From month one to month two it has felt like the shortest and longest days of our lives all at the same time. If you've had a newborn that sentence probably makes sense to you. But man month two has been the most rewarding and also the most challenging. #growthspurts

| STATS |

As I mentioned in her one month update, we had been struggling to get Olivia back up to birth weight, which we finally did at her 4 week mark. Our Lactation Consultant (LC) wanted us to come back again 2 weeks later (at 6 weeks old) for a weight check to make sure she was still gaining weight at the appropriate amount (about 1oz per day), otherwise we'd have to come up with a new feeding plan to get her back on track. At that weight check she should have been around 8lb 9oz and she weighed in at a whopping 8lb 14oz! She had her 2 month checkup today and officially now weighs 10lb 12oz, she is 22.75" long and her head is now in the 98th percentile. ha!

| EATING |

She has been eating like a champ ever since her last LC appointment. We went from scheduled feedings every 3 hours to "on demand" feeding which basically means she is eating all. the. time. We're in a fun phase right now where she is only happy when she is nursing. And it's like we can literally see her growing right before our eyes. She no longer seems to have her tummy troubles that we've been experience thus far, so we've cut out the gripe water and are continuing to give her daily probiotics which really seem to be helping. I'm still not eating dairy, which I plan to ease back into my diet because I am struggling without my ice cream and cheese. 

| SLEEPING |

Sleeping is still a struggle. We had her sleeping in the Rock n' Play for almost a week straight but some nights she is just extra fussy or extra hungry and in order to get some solid blocks of sleep we have reverted back to the sofa nest as a crutch. It's not every night but it still happens so we aren't out of the woods yet. On the weekends though we push the Rock n' Play method because our sleep is less valuable since we are both home and can take turns napping and no one has to be at work. Also. I didn't mention it in her One Month update, but we are practicing the Happiest Baby on the Block 5 S's and they are working like a charm. In case you aren't familiar they are Shush, Swaddle, Side/Stomach, Swing, and Soothe. We have both mastered having her swaddled, in our arms but on her side, shaking her, soothing her, and shushing her all at once. She falls asleep like magic. Not enough to put her down on her own, but it works for her naps during the day and most times in the Rock n' Play. The shushing part works the best we've found. It's like a drug. As soon as you start her eyes roll back in her head and she's out. Physically "shushing" is king of exhausting though so we found someone shushing on Spotify and just have that on a loop when we need it. We'll even play it over bluetooth in the car when she's freaking out. Now that we know that it works, I'm thinking of getting this so that we can preserve our phone batteries. I wish the Snoo wasn't a zillion dollars or we would get that since it has the 5 S's built right in. 

| DOING |

Olivia's little personality is really starting to come through. She smiles at us all the time now and if you tickle under her chin she makes a little gurgle when she smiles. Now that she is so much more alert we are having fun reading books, practicing tummy time, and enjoying her baby gym.

| MILESTONES |

She has outgrown all of her NB sized clothing and diapers and we've moved up to 0-3m clothing and size 1 diapers. And as of this past week her 3m clothing is getting snug. Which was both sad that she will no longer wear her tiny newborn clothing, but also exciting that she is continuing to put on weight. She is so tall, she is mostly growing out of her clothing in the torso area while the arm and leg holes still have plenty of room to grow. She has learned how to smile and gurgle. She has almost full control of her head and it only drops every now and then. We have mastered our Solly wrap (finally) which has been so great. Olivia will just fall asleep in it which allows me to be hands free and get work done while she naps. 

| FAVORITE MOMENTS |

Sometimes when she's nursing she will stop and look up at me and just smile like she's having the best time, and then will go back to eating again. She goes through a couple of 20-30min spurts a day when she is just as happy as can be smiling and looking around. So I try to take advantage of this time and talk to her, sing, read, walk around showing her things. It's a really special time. I feel like she is really just taking it all in. 

Olivia West | One Month

Today Olivia is one month old. I can't believe it has already been a whole month since we met our baby girl.

| STATS |

Although Olivia weighed 7lb 9oz at birth, she dropped to 6lb 11oz by the time we left the hospital. This is completely normal for babies to do as they are adjusting to their new world outside of the womb. However, they are supposed to be back up to their birth weight within the first two weeks. Our little girl was a little behind the curve and still holding strong to her 6lb 11oz weight. However she did grow 3/4". This girl is skinny and tall. Her head also keeps growing and is at the 95th percentile while her weight is only in the 25th percentile. Our little bobble head.

| EATING |

She started off as an excellent eater. She would latch every time and nurse for 20-30min on each side. Like. A. Champ. However as we got into the evenings she would start to either favor one side over the other or do this frantic head bobbing thing where its like she had a love/hate relationship with eating. We decided to schedule an appointment with the Lactation Consultant (LC) to see what the deal was. This appointment opened up a whole new can of worms and we learned that Olivia was underweight for her age and that I wasn't producing enough milk to sustain her. Obviously I burst into tears because I realized I was starving her this entire time. At our LC appointments we would strip Olivia down to a dry diaper and weigh her to get a baseline weight. Then I would nurse and we would weigh her again to see how much breastmilk was being transferred. That's the tricky thing about nursing is that you cant physically see how much milk your baby is consuming. You just judge everything based on their number of wet and dirty diapers. Which Olivia had plenty of, so we didn't think twice about it. 

At our first appointment she was only transfering 1.7oz and she should be transfering about 2-3oz per feeding. So the LC had us on a strict regimen to nurse every 2 hours, pump immediately afterward and feed her what I pumped from the previous pumping session. Whatever I pumped had to be 1oz otherwise I had to supplement the difference with formula. I was pretty upset about having to already resort to formula, but at this point it was about keeping her sustained more than anything. This method was also supposed to help build my milk supply as it was creating a higher demand. Higher demand = more milk. At the beginning I was only pumping about 1/3oz every session and then it gradually increased to 2/3oz by our next appointment (2 days later). We were feeling hopeful. We had followed all of the rules. However when we weighed her before and after her feeding she only transferred 1.5oz and her weight was still 6lb 11oz. Well as it turned out I had been misreading the graduated cylinders on my pump thinking that it said 1.0, 1.5, 2.0, etc. but it was in mL and was reading 10, 15, 20, etc. which meant what I thought was 1oz was actually only 10mL so we were STILL underfeeding her (30mL = 1oz). We scheduled a third appointment 4 days later and were determined to get some weight on her now that we knew what the heck we were doing.  We had to supplement ready to feed formula a few times but it was never more than 10mL (1/3oz) so I didn't feel too bad about that. By our next appointment she weighed 7lb 2oz before her feeding and transferred 2.7oz! Babies are expected to gain 1oz a day at this time, and she had gained 7oz in 4 days! I started crying tears of joy and hugged my LC. All of our hard work was paying off! Breastfeeding is supposed to be easy, but for us it's been a lot of work and I'm excited that we're on an easier road now. As the days go by I've been pumping 2-3oz per session and stockpiling our fridge. I dont even remember the last time I had to supplement with formula. At the beginning she would eat with little butterfly sucks and I thought that was just how babies ate. Now that she is getting enough milk each time, as Derek describes "she's eating like a hyena eating a carcass" haha. Yep that sounds about right. The LC had us schedule another appointment a week later because in theory Olivia would be back up to birthweight by that point and we could start weening off of having to pump and supplement each feeding. And as of this past Tuesday she is 7lb 11oz (!!!) and still transferring 2.7oz on average when feeding. Which means that she will still be behind for her age, but at least she is on the right track. We couldn’t be prouder! Now we only supplement if she still seems hungry and I only pump in the mornings to keep our backup milk supply up, and I end up just freezing it for a rainy day.

| SLEEPING |

This has been the ultimate struggle. The first night we spent in the hospital with Olivia was magic. She slept the entire night and just made little coos. We thought "wow we have such an easy baby!" This was short lived. For the first few days at home we tried getting her to sleep in her crib. She would be passed out in our arms and as soon as we'd lay her down she would start crying. We got her to actually sleep through the night twice, but trying the same method again never worked. From that point on she would only sleep when in someone's arms. So we talked to our pediatrician about it and he had Derek setup a safe pillow supported nest on the sofa where he would hold and soothe her all night but could in no way drop her or roll over on her. Obviously Derek is a saint as he still sacrifices his sleep so that I can sleep in our bed since I am still recovering. My co-worker let us borrow her Rock 'n Play since she had a similar issue with her first born. Olivia sleeps sound in the Rock 'n Play during the day which is great because my hands are free and I can get small tasks done. This past week we have been having her sleep in it during the night and so far it's working. It's not the crib but baby steps okay? One month in though and Derek and I are both still worry warts and sleep so light so that every sound she makes we wake up and check on her to make sure she's still breathing. Does this panic ever go away? Maybe once she goes off to college? 

| DOING |

Olivia has been super vocal since day one. She constantly makes the most adorable coos and squeaks and grunts. My absolute favorite is when she sneezes she goes "whoaaaaa" afterward like the sneeze really overwhelmed her. It is so cute though when she's just laying in our arms or in the Rock 'n Play just awake as can be making her little noises. Ugh it just melts my heart.

| MILESTONES |

We have started small sessions of tummy time, although we've learned to wait a bit after she eats or it's spit up palooza. Her neck has been strong from the start, so we're excited to see how quickly she can hold up her head on her own. She's getting pretty good at it but it still bobbles from time to time. 

| FAVORITE MOMENTS |

 Whenever I burp Olivia while switching from side to side nursing, she is obviosuly still hungry and rooting around. However, she's up by my face and she's trying to latch onto my cheek or neck so we pretend that she's trying to kiss me. Or bite me. It's so cute. She is just so sweet and cuddly. 

Olivia West's Birth Story

To preface, I had no idea what to expect child birth to be like. I had heard so many stories from so many different people. And my Type-A personality couldn't really handle the uncertainty and mysterious timeline of it all. People would always say "women have been doing this for centuries" "our bodies are made to do this" but I had my doubts. Maybe I would be the one anomoly that couldn't live up to the task. Maybe I would just keep this baby inside forever. They would just become a part of me. However, after going through this experinece. I couldn't be prouder of myself and my body. It was such an empowering moment. Also. I left out all of the gory details so this post doesn't make you pass out or throw up. But I will have a post about the raw truth of childbirth that most people don't tell you about. I would have liked to have been prepared for that part. But that post is for another day. And I will warn you in advance. 

Before I dive into the birth story, I first need to give you a little backstory. So I am a 4th generation breech baby, and we assumed that Baby Klepac would be too. However, according to my OB this is not hereditary and is totally random. But I had my doubts. I mean. 4 generations. Plus I was kind of pumped to have a c-section. A planned date, no pushing, etc. Although after taking our birthing classes and seeing a few videos on natural childbirth, I was mentally preparing myself for a vaginal birth just in case, and I was actually excited about it. It didn't look that bad.

Surprise surprise at my 34 week appointment this baby was officially breech. I knew it. Even though the baby could still turn on their own, we went ahead and scheduled a c-section for January 25th just in case. Surgery dates book up fast you know. My OB said that if the baby didn't turn by 36 weeks then they probably wouldn't because they would be running out of room. She also said that there were several remedies I could do in order to get the baby to turn, but they all either sounded really scary or really made up. Each day I could still feel the baby in the same position so I was convinced that they weren't going to turn on their own and that a c-section was going to be our story. At my 36 week appointment I was mentally prepared for a c-section. Surprise again! The baby turned and was now head down. I was so confused because I could feel two large masses in my rib cage which made me think that the baby was sideways, but apparently that was their back and butt and not their head (which now makes a lot of sense knowing how our baby likes to sleep outside of the womb). So then I had to re-get my game face on for a vaginal delivery. As a planner, this flip flopping was stressing me out. So we held the January 25th date just in case, but if baby stayed head down then we would just cancel the c-section and let nature take its course.

The weeks went by and January 25th came and went. I attended my weekly appointments but I was still only 1cm dilated at each visit and the baby's head was still high, and really never "dropped" which I knew because I could feel so much pressure in my lungs and ribcage, so we were thinking that they could still turn back into the breech position. There was even a pool going on at my office where my co-workers were trying to guess the due date, and as each day passed another person would come up to me and say "you were supposed to have the baby yesterday!" or "wow you're still here" every. single. day. Needless to say I was feeling pretty big with my January 31st due date right around the corner. I was constantly having people tell me how huge and tired I looked (thanks for that lady in the elevator), and having to get up and pee every 10 minutes. I had been taken off all projects at work because no one knew when I would just vanish one day. So I was pretty much ready to have this baby any day now. 

The morning of Monday, January 29th I woke up at 6:00am with intense cramping. Was this a contraction? I had clearly never felt one before but was told it feels like heavy cramping. I got out my little contraction app and started timing them. We were told in our birthing class to call the OB when your contractions are 1 minute long and 5 minutes apart and that it has been consistently this way for an hour. Well mine were on average 40 seconds long and 2-3 minutes apart. Which totally threw me off. They were too short and too close together and not very consistent. I didn't want to go all the way to the hospital (a 30min drive) if they were just Braxton Hicks, so after texting a few of my mommy friends and doing some quick googling, I drank a TON of water and they slowed down big time. Like 10-20min apart. So I decided to go into work anyway. By the time I got to the office they were a few hours apart. By lunchtime they were completely gone. Yep I guess they were Braxton Hicks!

That evening around 11:00pm I started feeling them again but this time they were quite painful and spaced out evenly. I let them go on for a few hours and drank a ton of water again to see if they would stop. By 2:00am I had just about had enough and they felt like they weren't going away. Since it was the middle of the night, we called the on-call doctor (who was clearly sleeping) and she said "yep that sounds like labor!" I still wasn't convinced. But we grabbed our hospital bags and told Geoffrey we'd be right back assuming they were Braxton Hicks again. Luckily at that time of night no one is on the road, so we made it to the hospital in 15 minutes. Since it was so late we had to stop by the ER first to get examined. That place was a ghost town. All of the lights were dimmed and we were the only people there. It was actually pretty relaxing for an ER. They had me change into a gown and as I was walking back to my little triage bay I lost a bunch of blood. Derek just about passed out. They went ahead and examined my progress and I was already 5cm dilated! Okay. This was it. Go time!

They admitted me and we waited in the triage bay until a room opened up. Fun Fact: the next day (my actual due date) was not only a full moon, it was a super moon, a blue moon, and a lunar eclipse. According to the nurses there are the most births during a full moon, and all of these other moon things were just adding to the chaos so the L&D rooms were completely full. We finally got settled into our room around 4:00am and met the nurse who would be my person for the next couple of hours before the shift change around 7:00am. I don't even remember her name I was so out of it. It was actually kind of peaceful to be in labor in the wee hours of the morning. Everything was so quiet and calm. I just kept watching the heartrate monitor that ended up putting me to sleep ha. 

My birth plan was to go completely natural and drug free, however if the pain was too much then I was on board with having an epidural at that point. But I really wanted to experience as much as possible and I had no idea what to expect. It was around 5:00am when I started thinking about how I hadn't slept since the night before (Sunday night) and I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me. So I opted for the epidural so that I could get some sleep before the real fun started. A little side bar about epidurals. These aren't your mom's epidurals. They are sort of like a slow drip constant that you can add to as much as you need depending on your pain level. Sort of like a morphine drip. So there aren't "its too late" windows or "it ran out of juice" scenarios anymore. I had them set it to the lowest setting so that I could still feel the contractions and feel that labor was progressing, but that it would help take the edge off so that I could maybe get a little nap in. The anesthesiologist came in and told us that I was his last patient of the day after a 24hour shift. That probably should have been a red flag right there, but I was tired and didn't think twice about it. I have a huge needle phobia, and you'd think it would have gotten better after being a pin cushion during my pregnancy, but nope. The fear was still very real. The actual epidural didn't hurt, but the numbing shot beforehand felt like a little fire ant bite. Snaking in the epidural catheter actually felt like someone was lightly tickling my back. Such a weird sensation. I almost immediately felt my right leg go numb while my left was still fully functioning. They told me that epidurals tend to "choose a side" and that the other side would kick in soon. I tried to take a little nap but I was interrupted by the nurse every 15 minutes to check progress and vitals and the baby's heartbeat. Derek took this downtime to go home and pick up Geoffrey to take to our friends' house for his puppy slumber party while we were in the hospital. By the time he got back (about an hour later) I could feel everything. And it was 10x as intense as before. I tried boosting the epidural. Nothing. We even maxed it out and nothing. In fact my right leg was now only numb around my calf and that was it. We had the new post-shift-change anesthesiologist come and relocate the epidural. Still nothing. They asked me if I wanted to replace the epidural with a brand new one and essentially start over. I was already freaked out about the complications associated with epidurals so I really didn't want to press my luck having a second one inserted. I took this as a sign that I was meant to do this as I had originally planned: 100% natural.

Luckily since it was now the next day Tuesday January 30th, and I'd most likely be delivering during normal business hours, I was able to have my OB there rather than the sleepy on call doctor. And can I just say that my OB is seriously just the best in these types of situations. She literally makes you feel like you can do anything. After the 7:00am shift change, I had THE most amazing nurse Samantha (Sam) and a student nurse (it's a teaching hospital) taking care of me all morning. He was so sweet and so excited to be apart of our special moment. He even had to write a paper about his experience. So basically I'm a celebrity. My favorite moment with Sam was when she guessed that I was a lawyer because I had cool glasses haha. In another life Sam. In another life.

Around 9:00am my OB came by to check on my progress and break my water. So no dramatic Hollywood water breaking over here. My biggest fear was that I'd be at Target buying pillows and my water would break. This didn't speed up the contractions fast enough so she also started me on Pitocin to ramp things up. That was super fun. My OB came back by to check on me again at 10:00am and said that I'd be ready to push by 10:30am! I was so excited to meet our baby, but also so nervous because I had no idea how to push or really how I was going to accomplish this altogether. I started pushing at 10:30am as planned but the baby wasn't progressing and it's heartbeat was dropping. They examined me again and it turned out that the baby was in occiput posterior position which meant that they were head down but were facing the wrong way. They said I could deliver like this but that it's very dangerous and that it would be extremely painful. And since I was clearly not feeling the effects of the epidural anymore. I was terrified. I immediately assumed I'd be whisked away for an emergency c-section which I was pretty upset about after going through labor already for several hours. However, the nurse had me rotate onto my right side for 15 minutes (while still stirrup-ed) and then onto my left for 15 minutes to get the baby to turn around. Meanwhile as I was doing this I had some intense contractions that were just on top of each other at this point. They told me that if it was more comfortable to push than suffer through the contractions, I could. So I kept pushing as I rotated from side to side. After rotating a couple of times the baby turned around and I was able to resume pushing normally. The cool thing about being able to feel everything is that you naturally want to push and you can sort of work with the baby as they progress.

My OB randomly came by for another examination, but saw that the baby was already crowning and that this was it. Go time! Up until that point I was "pushing" but it never really felt like I was accomplishing anything. The process of pushing was actually really difficult (to me). You are basically in a crunch position with nothing supporting you but your own ab strength (and if you've ever been pregnant you know how weak your abs are toward the end of pregnancy). I had Derek holding my right leg and the student nurse holding my left leg, but other than that it was pure ab strength keeping my torso off the bed. Also. Being in a crunch position with a watermelon in the way is definitely a task in itself. I then had to do three rounds of 10 second pushes. When I say 10 seconds, it goes something like this: "ONE! okay you're doing great keep adding to it.. TWO! thats great keep going you can do this just a little longer.. THREE!.. " and so on, which basically means that 10 seconds is about 30 seconds. I was thinking it would be 10 Mississippi's obviously. Then you go into the next round without relaxing. So by the third round you are just totally wiped. And this is all right after having a contraction. I was starting to feel like I was going to be doing this part for the rest of my life because I couldn't feel the baby progressing whatsoever. They asked me if I wanted to grab onto something to counterbalance the pushing. I said YES! Why was this not offered to me sooner?? So they had me hold onto these handles down at my side so it was almost like I was in a rowing position. These handles were everything. I now had something to pull on and not rely on my sad little abs. They said I did about 5 rounds (of 3 sets) of pushes total and the next thing I knew after one final push she was here. Olivia West Klepac, our beautiful and perfect baby girl with a full head of dark hair, arrived on Tuesday January 30th, 2018 at 11:47am weighing 7lb 9oz and measuring 20" long. We both were beside ourselves when we saw that Baby Klepac was a girl. Especially considering that EVERYONE was convinced she was a boy because of the way I was carrying. I even starting thinking we were having a boy. But when we saw our baby girl we both just kept saying "It's Olivia!" "We have a daughter!" "I can't believe we have a baby girl!"

The next thing I knew she was being whisked away to be poked and measured and cleaned up. The room went from a quiet dimly lit space with 1.5 nurses, to a bright bustling room with about 15 people in it in under 10 minutes. After she was all cleaned up and swaddled they gave her to Derek to bond and cuddle with while they finished up with getting me all squared away (more on that later. yikes.) Once I was all cleaned up and on the mend, they brought her over to me for our "Golden Hour" of skin to skin bonding. Our hospital is very big on respecting the Golden Hour period and they will let the mother and baby bond for a solid hour uninterrupted. This was such a special time. She immediately nursed and looked up at me with big beautiful eyes. I had been so nervous up until this point to meet this little person that I felt like I already knew for 9 months, but that was also a complete stranger. Would she like me? Would we bond? Would she know I'm her mother? The amount of love that instantly filled that room was palpable.

With both of our families living far away, Derek and I had told everyone that we didn't want any visitors in the hospital and wanted to just spend these first few days as a new family of three. It felt like time stood still during this moment as we stared at her every feature trying to figure out who's eyes she had and she clearly had Derek's nose. We just stared at her in awe. In the last month of pregnacy I started to worry that something would be wrong with the baby. How could two unqualified people make such a perfect little person? I mean when you think about the complexity and mystery of pregnancy that literally cells and DNA are coming together to create a tiny human with tiny organs and a tiny circulatory system is sort of mind boggling. As we held her though, we just couldn't stop gushing over how we made her out of thin air. After years and years of hoping and praying. Knowing that if our first pregnancy would have went to term we wouldn't have our Olivia. In that moment we saw God's plan and we knew that everything happens for a reason. She has ten fingers and ten toes and is a thriving tiny human. And she is all ours. It was a lot to take in.

After a while they moved us all up to our post partum recovery room where we settled in for the next two days. Everything was perfect. We had our little baby girl who was so cuddly and made the cutest little noises. I remember our first night after she was born they had her in a clear bassinet between my bed and Derek's pull out sofa. Every time she would make her little noises I would wake up and check on her. But I didn't mind. While she slept during the day Derek and I would just stare at her and talk about all of our hopes and dreams and fears of raising a strong and confident daughter in this very confusing world we live in. But in that moment we were in our perfect little bubble where no one could hurt her or break her heart. I wish we could have lived in that bubble forever. Just the three of us. 

What's Inside My Hospital Bag

Let's face it. Hospitals make me a little nervous. Probably because I'm usually there for a not so great reason. However, bringing our little one into the world is quite the opposite experience. While it's still full of a lot of unknowns, the fact that we get to leave with our sweet precious baby makes all of the mystery and anxiety worth it. 

I had always envisioned our hospital birthing experience to be something similar to that episode of Friends when Rachel is in a shared room with screaming moms going in and out having babies while she just lays there waiting and not dilating. I pictured it looking like an ER room with fluorescent lights and white walls. You know. Sterile. After touring our hospital though I felt like we were in the wrong place. The labor and delivery room looked like what I imagined the recovery room looking like. Mood lighting, wood accents on the walls, a private bathroom, AND private room. It felt more like a hotel room than anything medical, and that helped set my mind at ease. 

Now that it's starting to feel like a little weekend getaway rather than something scary, I was excited to pack our hospital bag with a few things that would make our stay feel a little more like home. 

Son & Park Beauty Water | BanillaCo. Clean It Zero Purity Oil Cleanser | Neogen Green Tea Real Fresh Foam Cleanser | Living Proof Full Shampoo + Conditioner | Mario Badescu Facial Spray | Missha Misa Vitalizing Eye Cream | Cosrx Snail 96 Mucin Power Essence | Vaseline Intensive Care Body Lotion | Kristen Ess Dry Shampoo | Klairs Freshly Squeezed Vitamin C Serum | Benton Aloe Propolis Soothing Gel | Burts Bees Lip Balm | bareMinerals Complexion Rescue | Cover Girl Lash Blast Mascara

| TOILETRIES |

I'm sure the hospital provides some exciting skin irritating soap and generic shampoo, but I'm a creature of habit, so having my regimen with me will help me feel a little more like myself during this process. And I've been obsessed with my Korean skincare routine for almost a year now, and it just makes me feel pampered and human again. I'll also be including my electric toothbrush, toothpaste, hair ties, body wash, deoderant, and contacts + glasses.

Robe | Black Flats | Jersey Dress | Leggings | Nursing Nightgown | Slippers

| WARDROBE |

I know that I'll be all hospital gown chic during delivery, but I wanted to have some nice pajamas and a pretty robe to recover in. Especially since there will be lots of people coming in and out and photos taken. I also included some cheap-o slippers I didn't mind getting hospital germs on in case I'll be walking up and down the halls. Since we've been flip flopping on a c-section vs. vaginal birth (due to my family lineage of 5 generations of breech babies) I'm packing night shirts and camisoles in case I will have stitches where pj bottoms usually rest. I also know I'll be pretty swollen all over when I leave, so I'm packing a loose fitting jersey dress with some leggings (depending on the weather) to go home in. Some other less than exciting wardrobe essentials I'm including are nursing bras, and granny panty cotton underwear (although I hear the cool paper underwear they give you is really the best and to steal as many as I can).

| ACTIVITIES |

Not knowing how long we will be there, or the order of events, I'm bringing the iPad queued up with episodes of Life in Pieces, some books, headphones, cards, sudoku puzzles, essential oils, back massager, etc. to keep me distracted during the many many hours of labor. 

Long Sleeved Onesies | Boppy (we have this Cover) | Hedgehog Pajamas | Knit Bonnet | Narwhal Swaddle | Bison Swaddle | Long Sleeved Kimono Shirts

| FOR BABY |

I took a little poll on my Insta Stories a while back asking if I needed to provide clothing for the baby or of the hospital would be providing that, and I pretty much had a 50-50 split on responses. So just in case, I went ahead and packed some white kimono shirts with built in mittens that they can just wear with their diaper, and then a few long sleeved white onesies with built in mittens as well. Plus I knew we'd be taking a ton of photos of our new arrival so I'm including some of my favorite swaddles which pair so nicely with the white outfits, and then included some cute hats too. I'm basically going to bring the diaper bag to keep all of the baby's items separate from ours, so that will also include some diapers and wipes, burp cloths, additional onesies, socks, and mittens. Our hospital is 30min away so you never know what could happen from the hospital to our house so we wanted to have some backup essentials just in case. I'm also bringing my boppy to help with nursing. And last but not least, a cute little going home outfit for baby. We packed my favorite hedgehog jammies and adorable knit bonnet for the ride home.

| OTHER ITEMS |

Then we will obviously pack other necessities like insurance, hospital forms, our baby book for documentation, Derek's overnight bag, and a gift I got for Derek for being such an amazing support during this journey. We already have the carseat installed which is so funny to see in the backseat everyday. Also, I want to put together some sort of thank you gifts or treats for the nurses and staff that will be with us day in and out, but I'm not sure what to do. I have heard that a lot of medical staff shy away from homemade treats due to the unknowns of people's dirty kitchens, unwashed hands, etc. And with this being flu season, I'm sure they are being extra cautious. Ideas? I'm hoping for something they could share rather than individualized gifts as I won't know how many people to account for until I'm there.

Clearly we've never done this before so if there is anything we do/don't have on our list feel free to share in the comments below.