A Minimalist Baby Registry | 6 Month Update

At six months old, Olivia is getting bigger and more mobile so I figured it was time to share another roundup of products that she loves, hates, or used to hate but now loves. Babies am I right?

Rather than reinventing the wheel I have added UPDATE comments to each of the products we've been using since day one. So head over to my original Minimalist Registry for Modern Babies post to see our 6 month comments. 

I plan to do another update at 9 months and then 12 months to review some of the items she hasn't started using yet like her eating untensils. Or to see if she changed her mind about anything she once didn't like (like her Mamaroo). Stay tuned!

Olivia West | Six Months

How did we get here? It feels like ages ago that we were bringing our baby girl home. But it also feels like yesterday. Six whole months have gone by and our lives have only gotten better with each passing day. Derek and I were just talking about how we literally love her so much that it physically hurts. I've always heard people say this, but I never truly knew what it meant until we met our Olivia.

| STATS |

We just had our six month pediatrician appointment and her doctor was very impressed with her development and she had her first eye exam. He sensed a slight astigmatism so we're going to recheck again at her 9 month visit. With her parents both having pretty bad vision, glasses are probably in her future. She currently weighs in at 16lb 11oz (65th percentile), she is 26.75" long (85th), and her head is 16.75" (75th).

| EATING |

Olivia is back to her calm nursing style now that she has gotten through her fifth learning leap. I basically feed her when she wakes up, before every nap, then again around 4:30pm, and then we top her off with a 4oz bottle of pumped milk before bed. She seems pretty content with this method, we don't really have her on a schedule per se it's more of an on demand thing. Once she starts fussing I'll feed her and then put her down for a nap. We started her on solid foods this past weekend with some mashed up avocado mixed with breastmilk. I was so surprised that she knew to open her mouth when I put the spoon close to her face. She loved avocado and didn't spit any back out. She did have some funny faces though and the pediatrician said that is just her gag reflex (think about having peanut butter on the roof of your mouth without knowing how to remove it with your tongue). I went a little purée crazy and made every fruit and veggie for Stage 1 eaters and froze them for future meals. I will dedicate an entire blog post to our feeding style, recipes, etc. She is still nursing regularly, which is her main source of nutrition. Introducing her to solids is really for her to learn about textures and incorporate more iron into her diet, not replace meals just yet.

| SLEEPING |

Now that we have an official tummy sleeper this girl has become a solid sleeper. I'm actually very jealous of her sleeping skills. As I mentioned earlier we don't really have her on a set schedule (naps at 9am, 11am, etc.) we let her let us know when she's sleepy and then plan the day from there. For example she typically wakes up at 7:00am on the dot. I then feed her (yay night time weaning.. ouch) then we play in her gym for about an hour or so until she starts grumbling, then I feed her again and put her down for her first morning nap. She will generally sleep for about 1-2 hours and then we'll play and read for an hour or so, feed, nap and we'll repeat this pattern all day until 4:30pm. I don't let her nap past 4:30pm so that it doesn't interfere with her 6:00pm bedtime. I'll nurse one last time at 4:30pm and then we'll play until Derek gets home then bath, jammies, bottle, bed at 6:00pm. Once she is down for the night she won't wake again until 7:00am. I know. 13 hours straight. It's insane. She has been doing this ever since being a tummy sleeper, and also since we switched to overnight diapers (they made a huge difference!) So because there are no longer any night feedings I'll pump around 10:00pm and then go to bed. Which is why we have an insane stash of frozen milk. If her sleep gets thrown off (with errands, doctors appts, etc.) it kind of wrecks with her naps the rest of the day, but she will still go down at 6 for the night, she just may fuss a lot more in the late afternoon. So I try to limit outings that take place during a nap time. Also, her previous white noise app started crashing so we bought this guy and it is incredible. For such a small device it really fills the room with sound. It also has a really nice sort of spa melody that we'll use during feedings if she's getting feisty, which helps calm her down. 

| DOING |

Olivia still loves her activity center and her baby gym. She loves books holy cow does she love books. I have drained our bank account just buying books for her ha. I plan to do a whole post on the books she enjoys. Now instead of practicing tummy time (because she handles that all on her own whenever she feels like it) we have started practicing sitting. She can alllllllllmost sit up unassisted, she just wobbles a little, but she is SO close. She definitely has the trunk strength because she will almost tip over and then correct herself using just her core, it's really crazy to watch. For her half birthday we bought her this doorway jumper which she absolutely loves. I try and limit her time in the jumper to about 20min because she gets really exhausted and I want to focus more on her sitting up and crawling right now. But its so fun to watch her bounce around.

| MILESTONES |

Starting solids was a huge milestone (probably more for us than for her haha). Sleeping through the night is just incredible at her age, I know so many parents still have older babies who aren't sleeping so if you haven't yet check out our method and see if it works for you. She has definitely found her voice and loves to blow raspberries. She will copy our noises and thinks its hilarious. It's hard to make her laugh but when you do it's just the best. She loves to holler at Geoffrey when he walks into the room by yelling "hoooo hoooo" haha. She also doesn't mind her carseat anymore, and loves car rides. She is in a very grabby phase from hair, to earrings, to beards, to her brother's tail, to the doctor's stethoscope. She just has to have it. We call her a bully because she will grab your hair with one hand and your glasses with the other like "give me your lunch money punk" haha. She is still wearing size 3 diapers but has officially moved up to 6-9m clothing.  

| FAVORITE MOMENTS |

Right now a favorite moment is when she copies the sounds we make. We'll do this fake cough sound and then she'll fake cough, or we'll buzz our lips and she'll buzz her lips, its so funny! She also laughs and laughs when you blow raspberries on her belly. We also love watching her sleep on the baby monitor because she will change positions and directions 100x in a night without making a sound. We'll go in to get her in the morning and wonder how the heck she got into that position. She also really loves beards. If a bearded guy walks into the room he has her full attention haha. Watching her learn and grow right before our eyes has been so incredible.

Surviving the Fourth Trimester

First of all I had no idea what the Fourth Trimester even was until I was in the thick of it all a few weeks after bringing Olivia home. Then it was this casual term that was thrown around all over the internet. Did they hide this from me while I was pregnant? Probably. Pregnancy is so funny. It's like you're not in the motherhood club yet so they won't tell you the secrets until you're there. In the thick of it. Freaking out. And then other mothers are like "oh yeah fourth trimester!" "oh yeah postpartum recovery!" "oh yeah meconium!" ha

what is the fourth trimester?

Basically science has proven that human babies are born three months too early due to their size and the size of their mother's pelvis. Think about it. A baby horse or deer can walk within a few days from birth, but human babies can take over a year. For the first three months after the birth of a full term baby (premature babies will have a much longer fourth trimester as they are having to finish up their third) they are basically just needy (but so cute!) little potatoes that can only express themselves through crying and are still trying to figure out why they aren't nice and warm floating around their mother's womb anymore. So it is our job as parents to care and nurture them and try to closely recreate their previous environment (enter the 5 S's) so that they feel comfortable and can easily transition into this bright new world.

I didn't know about any of this until I was living it. 

so how do you survive?

Looking back I can barely remember it, but I do remember being in sheer panic / anxiety / sadness / joy / fear / loneliness / full of love / inexperienced to the point where I remember thinking I will never have one of those normal happy calm babies. Now that I am on the other side of this hump I am here to tell you that it does get easier. You will get the hang of things. I had never even held a baby until Olivia was born, and I figured it out.

I wanted to share my tips on surviving the fourth trimester (because no one warned me) and if I can help just one person journeying this unknown territory, then that's one less frantic google session at 3am. 

lean on each other

Single moms. Holla. I have no idea how you do it. I was lucky enough to have Derek home with me for the first three weeks. While I was recovering in the hospital he stepped in and learned how to swaddle, mastered diaper changing, and reminded me when I needed to feed her again. He was (is) super dad. That being said, when we got home I still never figured out swaddling (to this day) and he was the only one who could get her to stop crying with his tight swaddle skills and soothing. He was the only one who could put her down at night. It didn't help that I could barely walk, my milk was taking it's sweet time to come in, and I was coming off of a roller coaster of hormones which made me feel like I was too emotional to calm her down. Derek was always there to see if I needed anything, to make sure I was eating enough, to pick up around the house. It was incredible. Then he went back to work. Womp.

don't compare yourself to others

I know. This is impossible as a human let alone a mother. You will scroll the insta feed and think "wow her baby sleeps through the night at 2 weeks old" and "cool her baby is nice and chubby while mine is suffering from low milk supply" or "neat look at how perfectly put together that mother and baby are. wait is she wearing makeup??" Just don't. It is a slippery slope. You have to remember that a lot of people don't share the negative moments and you are only seeing the highlight reel. Sure there may be some mothers out there who actually do have perfectly calm happy babies right out the gate, but I don't know any of those people. Anyone I have talked to has had the same struggles, insecurities, and late night google sessions as I have. Know this and take comfort. 

ask for help

This was the hardest part for me. I wanted to be an independent woman and do everything myself because I knew what was best for my baby. Ugh. I'm not saying have someone come over and teach you how to rear your child. I'm just suggesting to have someone come over and hold the baby while you take a shower or take a nap or take a walk outside. People offer to help you in the beginning because they genuinely want to and people also love holding teeny tiny babies. Take them up on this. We wouldn't let anyone hold Olivia until she was probably 6 weeks old. We were so protective and terrified something would happen to her. 

get out of the house

If you don't feel comfortable leaving your baby with someone yet (that was me) just put them in the stroller and go for a nice long walk around the neighborhood. Or strap them into your wrap and stroll through a park. If they cry, who cares? You aren't in a library. No one will stare at you. You'll probably have the park to yourself because it's the middle of the day on a Tuesday. You both need fresh air and sunshine so you don't go stir crazy. On the weekend have dad or your mom or someone you trust watch the baby while you go get your nails done, go walk around Target, go have brunch with your friends, go read a magazine by the pool, go put a sheet mask on and light some candles and take a long bath. No one will judge you. You need to take care of yourself too.

brace yourself for unsolicited advice

This is inevitable. People have been mothers for generations and centuries before you and they all know what is best for YOUR baby. Some people will have solid advice. Most will not. Yes all babies are inherently the same by nature, BUT the rules and safety standards have changed over the years so when your 70 year old relatives tell you to put her on her tummy to help her sleep just nod and smile and know that you are doing the right thing. Don't waste your breath arguing or pushing your 4 week old parenting skills because they will laugh at you and you won't feel any better. 

don't put pressure on yourself

Parenting isn't a race. Ignore the apps and percentiles and all of the "things baby should be doing at this point". All babies develop at a different pace and you are there to help guide and facilitate your baby's queues. But if you see your friend's 2 month old already rolling over, that baby is a freak of nature and needs to calm down. Your baby will roll over when they are ready. If you see other mom's taking their infants to Europe while you can't even take yours for a walk around the block. That's okay! You will get there. If you feel like everyone is breastfeeding and you just can't do it. Then don't do it. A happy mom is way more important than a breastfed baby. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. If you are feeling defeated then your baby will sense that and never latch or sleep or calm or whatever the present issue is. 

embrace your emotions

Mama. You just gave birth to a human baby. You were a swirl of emotions during pregnancy and those hormones have to go somewhere after giving birth. Prepare to cry over nothing. Prepare to feel so much love that your heart might literally explode but this still upsets you because you just love them so much. Prepare to miss your former life. Prepare to miss your baby that is 5 feet away in it's bassinet. Prepare to bawl your eyes out on the crockpot episode of This is Us (what was I thinking??). Prepare to get mad or frustrated with your baby who. just. won't. stop. crying. Prepare to possibly not feel a bond at all. These are all normal emotional responses to motherhood. They will level out and you will get through this. I found comfort knowing that this was normal and that I wasn't a bad mother for feeling these things. However, if your emotions are taking over to the extent where you feel hopeless, you can't get out of bed, you want to hurt yourself or your baby, etc. please seek help. These could be the signs of postpartum depression and your doctor can help you find the right solution. 

reach out to other moms

This. Is. Everything. But the key is to reach out to moms with children close in age to yours (within 5 years). They will be the most versed in current safety practices, current products, etc. Yes your mom is a mom too but she was a mom when carseats were suggested, babies slept on their tummy, cribs were full of blankets and bumpers and stuffies, and formula was everything. While they are a great source of advice and wisdom they also don't really remember the thick of it all as vividly as your new mom friends will because it was 20-30 years ago. If you don't have a lot of mom friends locally (guilty) then reach out via social media. I have bonded with so many past friends from elementary school, high school, college, etc. that all have little ones now and while we don't actually hang out in the same room, we are there for each other during 4am feedings or when google is just too too scary to face. 

try not to google everything

Okay this was really hard for me. Looking back now it's almost comical thinking about my google search history. "is it normal for baby to spit up during every feeding?" "if baby's umbilical stump falls of early will they have an outie?" "when to take baby to ER with high temperature?" "infant CPR" "baby bobbing on and off while nursing". Everything you google will have a 5% chance of giving you a clear answer and a 95% chance of scaring the living daylights out of you. Call your pediatrician. Most pedis have a 24/7 hotline you can call. We for sure called them way too many times because they would start saying "first time parents?" ha. Lean on your mama friends they have lived it. 

it's normal to be scared

I have been terrified from the start. Even when they handed her to me for the first time my mind started racing thinking "okay this is is no turning back we are parents now holy cow this baby belongs to us are we ready i have no clue how to even hold a baby". haha We took a few baby classes at our hospital and the number one thing they rammed down everyone's throats was the high risk of SIDS. So needless to say that was (still is)  in the front of our minds 24/7. We were terrified to let her sleep alone, we were scared every time she spit up or had a temperature or choked while nursing, we freaked out whenever someone held her without supporting her head or someone was smoking nearby. We googled everything and watched her like a hawk. This is normal and you will calm down after a while. Now I only check the baby monitor every 30min or so ;)

you will get through this

Now that I am on the other side of those first three months, I am so proud of myself. Proud of my husband. Proud of Olivia. We have treaded some unfamiliar territory without a map but we got through it together and I feel like we are such a strong little unit because of it. None of us had any idea what we were doing, we didn't have any babies in the family or experience with babies, but instinct kicks in, support systems are there, and you just know what to do for your baby and I think that is such an incredible thing. I feel like a completely different person now, and I see Derek as a completely different person now and our family has a completely different meaning now and I just love that. 

Olivia West | Five Months

I think that this past month has been the most exciting yet, in terms of her development. We have watched her try something new and then master it within the next few days. It is seriously remarkable to watch her explore her world. We survived the 35 day learning leap woo hoo! And while her learning and growing is incredible to watch, this has probably also been THE most stressful month (for the parents) since her first month. More on that below.

| STATS |

While there isn't an official 5 month pediatrician appointment, based on our unofficial measuring she currently weighs in at 17lb, she is 26" long, and we have no idea how to measure her head so tune in for her 6 month update for that one.

| EATING |

Remember how last month I talked about what a struggle eating has been? Well (as many of you said) as soon as her learning leap / growth spurt was over her feisty eating habits went right out the door. She is still trucking along at about 8-10min on each side which is so so great. During her growth spurts (or when she demands it) I'll supplement a feeding with a bottle of stockpiled milk just to sort of top her off when nursing alone isn't cutting it. She started getting feisty with the bottle too when I realized that we were still using "stage 1" nipples (0-3m) and hadn't switched to "stage 2" (3-6m) whoops. Now she sucks her bottles down to the point where they will whistle haha. I think we'll hold off on jumping up to "stage 3" even though she's a month away just because it might be too much flow, and she's still getting used to the stage 2 size. We also got the okay from the pediatrician to start solids around 6m so I've been reading up on that a bunch (baby led weaning vs. purees). So if you have success stories on what you did with your little one, I'm all ears! 

| SLEEPING |

Here we go. If you follow my Insta Stories, you already know where this is headed. This little girl threw us for a loop one morning when she woke up on her tummy. Looking very distressed like "what just happened?" So we immediately bought the transition version of her sleep swaddle. I literally did same day shipping for that sucker because I was so terrified that she wouldn't have her arms free to roll back over or save herself when she's groggy in the middle of the night. We started the transition process with one sleeve off, then the other, then both. This was like sleep training all over again, but it only took a couple of rough naps and she finally got the hang of being arms free. At this point, she had been rolling over every now and then in her play gym (more on that below) but had to use the frame to kick off from, so I wasn't fully comfortable with her tummy sleeping yet. For the next week I would check on the video monitor and see her mostly on her back, but sometimes she would push off the crib rails with her legs and end up on her tummy. Because she wasn't fully rolling over 100% on her own, I would go back in and roll her back onto her back. This turned into me checking the monitor every 30min to make sure she was still on her back. It was like the first week we brought her home all over again, with the constant worry. Then last Saturday she rolled over 12 times within an hour and I kept rolling her back and she was just beside herself and so upset. So after some quick googling and consulting some mama friends everyone said we could just leave her on her tummy because she has the neck strength to move her head and lets face it, no one wants to sleep flat on their face. So I left her on her tummy and continued to check the monitor every 30min to an hour to make sure she was still breathing and what do you know? This little girl slept so sound the rest of the night. By the next day she was officially rolling onto her tummy all by herself. The second we would put her down on her back she would roll right over and be out like a light. So after a week of her tummy sleeping these parents are finally getting a boost of confidence in our little girl and have gone back to sleeping ourselves. And checking the monitor waaaay less ;)

| DOING |

As I mentioned in her 4 month update, we bought her this Skip Hop activity center and she is absolutely obsessed. We try to limit her time to about 40min a day in it as it's not going to teach her to roll over or to sit up. But it does improve her hand eye coordination and motor skills. She also just loves "standing" and she has already mastered all of the activities on it. I can even say "pop your owl" and she will look at me, smile, and then spin around and punch the leaf to make the owl pop up. When she first started using her activity center we were having to prop it up with books, but her little legs have grown enough that she can freestand in it now and she loves to flashdance for us. After doing a lot of research, and not being impressed with the baby gym I picked out, I ended up ordering her the Lovevery Baby Gym and I seriously cannot say enough about this product. I think I will do a whole post dedicated to how much I love this thing. I think it is 100% the reason Olivia was able to learn to rollover so quickly. So now we spend her awake time alternating between her gym (and all of it's exercises), tummy time, practicing sitting, reading books, and her activity center. This is one busy girl.

| MILESTONES |

We survived the 35 day stormy period, and honestly had we not already mastered this girl's sleep schedule she would have been one tough cookie, but she rode the wave like a champ and slept and ate SO much during that time. As I mentioned earlier she can officially roll from back to tummy and now from tummy to back all by herself. Her baby gym has taught her about grasping and now when she's in her Mamaroo she grabs (and disassembles) the mobile above her, which she never even cared about before. I actually had to remove it because I was afraid she was going to pop herself in the face. She is getting much better about sitting up and not immediately toppling over. We still have a ways to go though. She is learning quick commands like "pop your owl" and when we say "kick kick kick kick" she immediately starts kicking her legs and smiling. When you hand her a toy you can say "now put it in your other hand" and she will. She is very interested in toys now, when before she didn't really care. Which is why her activity center is her new favorite thing. It has the attached toys on it with varying activities, but then I will also pile on a bunch of her favorite toys and she just goes to town, spinning around from one toy to the next and playing her little piano. We also took her to a museum for the first time and she just loved it, I can't wait to take her to the zoo, but it needs to not be 105 outside first. She has moved up to size 3 diapers and is still in 3-6m clothing, but on the brink of jumping up to 6-9m depending on the brand.  

| FAVORITE MOMENTS |

Up until this past week she would blow raspberries all day long which was definitely not my favorite. But then all of a sudden she now does this thing where she scrunches her nose when she smiles and starts breathing really fast and it is just the cutest. Like she's just so excited about whatever is going on. We started filling the sink with water when we give her a bath (before we just let it go down the drain while she was propped in her bath seat) and she LOVES to splash and kick in the water. Watching her learn to rollover was also a favorite moment. Now she rolls over like she's been doing it for years! I also love when she rolls onto her tummy and puts her head down. We'll ask "are you going night night?" haha Derek's favorite moment is when she falls asleep on his shoulder as he's putting her down for the night, it's really sweet. I can't believe she is already 5 months, but at the same time she has already learned so much in such a short period of time and we couldn't be prouder.  

Our Journey with Infertility

Fair warning. If you aren't into TMI or gory details, this post probably isn't for you. 

After our miscarriage in the fall of 2015, we took a little break from trying to get pregnant, and distracted ourselves with the holidays. It was so hard no to think about those milestones though. "We would have been this far along at Christmas." "We would be having a baby in the early spring." I had actually been pregnant along side a few of my friends and a coworker, so watching their bellies grow and seeing them carry to term was bittersweet for me. While all of these feelings of uncertainty were ever so present, we still knew we wanted to start a family. We were ready to try again.

Fast forward to 19 months later and we still weren't pregnant. We tried all the things. Ovulation strips (although I never really got a true reading on any of my tests), ovulation tracking apps, logging my basal temperature, eating right, exercising, not thinking about it, thinking about it, yoga, meditation, you name it we tried it. It just wasn't happening for us. For me the worst part about trying is when you have that late period and you get all excited, and the pregnancy test still comes back negative. Every. Time.

We met with my OB after the one year mark of infertility, and she gave us a referral to the UT Health Fertility Center. Normally people hear the word infertility and they think $$$ (guilty) which is why my doctor recommended we go to a teaching center. What did we have to lose? Young med students get to learn about this tricky path of medicine, while the experienced doctor is right by their side to guide them and step in when needed. We were both open to it, and in the end it saved us a TON of money. 

In the spring of 2017 we had our first fertility appointment. I had lots of blood work done (8 vials woof) and fainted (classic me). Did I mention I'm not great with needles? Derek did the ol' fun time test with some 70s reading material ha. They did an ultrasound just to check out the general health of my reproductive system and to make sure they didn't see any glaring issues. The only thing they could see were some cysts which I already knew about from my previous ultrasounds. However, based on the technology (2D vs 3D) neither of my doctors had any way of knowing if they were blocking anything, causing any harm, if I had always had them, or if they were caused by the pregnancy. She also noticed a small fibroid, and also couldn't tell if it was blocking anything or just hanging out minding it's own business. All of these words freaked me out and I quickly starting thinking that this was all my fault. She assured us that a this things are actually pretty common and usually harmless. I had mentioned that all of my ovulations tests I took came back very faint and inconclusive, so she did a follicle scan to check how many I had and if I was in fact ovulating. I was. 

After testing my blood work, all of my levels came back normal, even my progesterone. The only thing they noticed was that my MMR vaccine had worn off. This is typically a vaccine you get as a child (Measles, Mumps, Rubella) and it normally lasts about 20 years. It has nothing to do with conception, but if you did contract Measles, Mumps, or Rubella while pregnant it could be extremely dangerous for the baby. Derek's guys were tested and the count was fine, the motility was fine, the only issue was the abnormal morphology. She explained that this is usually caused by stress and is completely random depending on the time of day you test, so had he tested an hour later they could have been totally fine. So that was super helpful. Not. Derek was in the middle of taking his Architecture exams for his license, so we just chalked it up to high stress. After hearing all of these medical terms and numbers, the doctor basically explained that we have "Unexplained Infertility", which is not what you really want to hear. "We don't know why you can't get pregnant." So she walked us through all of the options. We had a dollar amount in our head that we didn't want to go over for repeated fertility treatments because let's face it. Neither of us make a ton of money. Plus we were open to adoption. She explained that the order of events would be the following, if we so choose:

HSG Test - This is a radiology procedure where radiographic contrast (dye) is injected into the uterine cavity through the vagina and cervix. The uterine cavity fills with dye and if the fallopian tubes are open, dye fills the tubes and spills into the abdominal cavity. This shows whether the fallopian tubes are open or blocked and whether a blockage is at the junction of the tube and uterus (proximal) or at the other end of the tube (distal). 

Clomid - This is an oral medication that can be used to stimulate ovulation. It works by blocking estrogen receptors at the hypothalamus, which is an important "hormonal control center" for the body. When this happens, the hypothalamus is stimulated to release follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), and luteinizing hormone (LH). These are the naturally occurring ovarian stimulants, which prompt ovulation in a normal cycle. 

IUI - This is a treatment that involves placing sperm inside a woman’s uterus to facilitate fertilization. The goal of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization. It provides the sperm an advantage by giving it a head start, but still requires a sperm to reach and fertilize the egg on its own. It is a less invasive and less expensive option compared to IVF. 

IVF - This is a procedure where a they take the eggs from the ovaries using a small needle and fertilizes them with sperm in a specialized lab. After fertilization happens, the eggs develop into embryos. Three to five days later, the specialist re-implants the embryos back into the uterus. 

IVF w/ donor eggs - This is the same process as IVF but with the use of donated eggs rather than your own.

Are you surprised that there are so many options for fertility treatments? We sure were. I feel like so many people (guilty again) hear the words "fertility treatment" and immediately think IVF and "test tube babies". While that is an excellent way to conceive, it is also more of a last resort method once the other methods don't work for you, at least for "unexplained infertility". I was also surprised at how much insurance actually covered. So many times you hear about how it's all 100% out of pocket, which isn't always the case. You also get to sit down with your doctor and ask questions and talk about costs and a plan of action before even getting started. 

I went ahead and got my MMR vaccine, which was difficult to find a pharmacy that carried it, and it's a lot pricer than a flu shot at about $75 after insurance. Our doctor warned us that we would need to wait two months after getting the shot until we could try again due to the risk of getting pregnant while the vaccine is still doing it's thing. So since we had a bit of time we decided to go ahead and schedule an HSG test to rule out tubal factor infertility (TFI).

The test took place at 6am in the Radiology Department. They had me get into a gown, and laid me on what looked like an oversized dental chair with stirrups. They lower an x-ray machine over your abdomen, like right on top of it, so if you're claustrophobic this may be a little intense for you. They do a quick pelvic exam (fun!) and then insert a cannula (catheter) which is what they use to inject the iodine-based dye. I didn't really feel any of this part, but once the dye started to flow I felt intense cramping, to the point where the doctor had to take breaks until the pain subsided. Meanwhile you can watch everything happen on the x-ray screen. It's basically a black and white image of your uterus and fallopian tubes with a dark liquid working its way through everything. This immediately made Derek feel light headed (he hadn't had breakfast yet) so he left the room get some fresh air and water while we finished up the procedure. The doctor confirmed that both of my tubes were blocked with clots, but that the pressure of the dye broke up the clots so that my tubes were completely clear. To me this was extremely painful. Think the very worst day of your period x10. Luckily it was over very quickly and I felt fine the rest of the day. I'll never forget, as I was being walked to the elevator by the nurse she said "you are so lucky that the dye dissolved your clots. That rarely happens!" I asked what would have happened if they didn't, and she said that they would have gone in with a small wire to remove them. What. That just about made me pass out. Another fun fact. They have you wear a giant hospital grade pad afterwards because you will leak iodine the rest of the day. Yay gravity!

Before proceeding with any other fertility treatments we wanted to take a little break and just relax for a bit. We were past the two month mark (May), and didn't want to put any pressure on ourselves. We just lived our lives. We didn't even use any ovulation tests or tracking apps or anything. We traveled a bit, had picnics, and just tried to enjoy this season in our lives before jumping into more invasive procedures. 

Fast forward to Memorial Day weekend and I was 5 days late. This had happened before and I would still get a negative pregnancy test so I didn't think anything of it. My parents were in town visiting and I quietly went and took a pregnancy test just to go ahead and rule that out, so that I could get on with my weekend.

The test was positive.

I snuck into our room where Derek was still sleeping and I whispered "I'm pregnant", to which he flew out of bed and hugged me and we both just kind of stared at each other in awe. I didn't want to tell my parents yet since it was so early and given our history. I wanted to get a blood test first. So that next week I called the Fertility Center and made an appointment to get a blood test and check my progesterone levels. My blood test confirmed that I was in fact pregnant, so they had me come back again the next day to make sure my progesterone had doubled. The first time we got pregnant my progesterone should have been between 11-90 and it was a 3. This time my progesterone was 85, which made me immediately relax and feel extremely hopeful. I went back the next day and it had doubled. They had us make an appointment for the first ulrasound at the 8 week mark (mid June), and for the very first time we saw the little baby bean.

We left her office feeling like we were floating on a cloud. I can still feel the excitement in the room to this day. So many months went by where we longed for a baby we thought we would never have. They told us that the due date would be February 2nd, 2018. 

We were were so excited, but also still very cautious. The numbers were great, there was a baby on the ultrasound. But after losing our first baby there was still a part of us that worried. But also a big part of us that knew this time was different. That everything was going to be okay. We told my parents that night over FaceTime, and then told his parents that weekend when they were in town for Father's Day. We asked our families not to share the news with anyone until after the first trimester when the chances of miscarrying were much lower. 

Our fertility doctor transferred our charts and information back to my normal OB saying that her job was done. It was bittersweet to say goodbye someone who was so instrumental in our story, but I guess that's just the nature of her line of work. After meeting with my usual doctor she did an ultrasound and said that the baby would look much different than the last time we saw it. This was the moment when we completely lost our cool and were just puddles of happy tears. Our little bean was now (what resembled) a gummy bear bouncing all over the screen which is why this ultrasound photo is a little blurry. Our hearts just melted. She measured the baby and decided that it's actual due date would be January 30th, 2018. To this day that is still my favorite ultrasound photo. Look at that little belly!

Needless to say this little gummy bear became our sweet Olivia. I'm going to be honest, we were still so nervous before each ultrasound so anxious to hear the heartbeat and to see my OB light up when she saw the screen. Knowing our history and our struggle she was so so encouraging, rooting for us the entire way up until delivery. We actually waited until 15 weeks to announce our pregnancy so that we could hear the heartbeat one more time (just to be safe). Because let me tell you. Having to un-tell people that you are pregnant is just about the hardest and saddest thing we've ever gone through. No one knows how to talk to you, or how to react. So we wanted to see the baby and hear it's heartbeat before announcing our news to the world. Honestly, we probably didn't actually feel at ease with this pregnancy until I could feel the baby moving. Feeling those movements all day everyday helped me know that everything was going to be okay this time around.

I know that this isn't everyone's story, and that so many of you are still waiting for your rainbow baby. And for that I am truly sorry. As it turned out, all around the same time I had five friends who all had miscarriages and have since gotten pregnant, and these are some of my closest friends. Some conceived naturally, some used Clomid, some had several failed IUIs, and some even had failed IVF. So although I lost a few friends along the way, I also gained a really great and encouraging community. We all know what it's like to suffer loss, to be afraid throughout pregnancy that something bad would happen, and to find joy in the lives we all created after such tragedy. 

I want to break the stigma of infertility. It doesn't have to be a million dollars, it doesn't have to be embarrassing, and it doesn't have to be scary. So your baby was essentially created in a controlled environment? Who cares. If thats what it takes for you to get pregnant then so be it. I think it shows courage and strength to go to such lengths just to start a family. If you are still waiting for that positive pregnancy test, I feel for you. I know that longing and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I have been in that dark dark place of hopelessness. Had I carried to term with our first baby, I would have been six months pregnant when my dad had his stroke, and I wouldn't have been able to travel to northeast Texas to help my mom take care of him that first year. I can't even imagine that being our story. Everything has it's own timing whether we see it now or not. 

A lot of people (family included) think that we are extremely overbearing and protective parents, especially in her early days of life. But unless you've suffered the loss of a baby, you have no idea how we feel about our daughter. We are so grateful and so thankful for the precious life we were given and the blessing she is in our lives. So if I jump to attention when she starts choking, or I look a little uneasy when someone holds her wrong and doesn't support her head, it's not because I'm a helicopter mom, it's because my heart would literally break if our sweet baby was taken away from us. This is a whole other post I've been wanting to share, about mom-shaming by family members. Woof.